Not So Blind
by Heeroluva
Summary: In which Merlin suffers nightmares in the wake of Arthur's near drowning, and Arthur remembers more than he let on. Merlin/Arthur


Title: Not So Blind  
Author: heeroluva  
Pairing: Arthur/Merlin  
Contains: h/c  
Spoilers: 1.07  
Disclaimer: I don't own them. I just like to play with them.  
Summary: In which Merlin suffers nightmares in the wake of Arthur's near drowning, and Arthur remembers more than he let on.  
Notes: Written for tresa_cho. All mistakes are mine. Feel free to let me know if you see any. As always feedback is appreciated.

* * *

Merlin dreamt of Arthur drowning. Every night he woke gasping and sweat drenched as though he'd been swimming, waking from dreams of being too late, of pulling Arthur's lifeless body from the lake, screaming to the fates and all that would listen of the unfairness of it all as his magic exploded around him, magic that was useless in the face of death.

Weeks passed with no reprieve, and he knew his work suffered more than normal, yet he did not seek out Gaius' help. Despite it all Arthur never brought up his increasing clumsiness, never seemed to notice his increasing lateness.

It shouldn't have shocked him as much as it did when out of the blue, Arthur announced, "I remember drowning."

* * *

Arthur remembered sinking beneath the water, dragged deeper with each passing second, wanting to fight it, but his brain had been in a fog, his body a dead weight that would not obey his commands. Then he remembered someone shouting his name, frantically over and over again. It was Merlin, he realized, always Merlin whose voice and face haunted his dreams every night for weeks.

Arthur couldn't forget it, didn't know what it meant, but he needed to know and Merlin was the key to it. He noticed the change in Merlin after that day of course. He'd have to be a blind man not too, but he'd hope Merlin would come to him. Instead the circles beneath his eyes grew more pronounced, his spills and breaks more frequent, and Arthur knew Merlin wouldn't say anything.

As Merlin was cleaning his armor, Arthur declared, "I remember drowning."

He didn't turn at the sudden crash of armor against stone as Merlin dropped the breastplate he'd been polishing to the floor and then fumbled to pick it up.

"I don't know what you mean."

Turning he pinned Merlin with his gaze. "That day I ran off to elope with Sophia, I remember water, sinking beneath it. Then I remember you calling, and you pulled me out. Why would I remember such a thing, when I recall you saying that you knocked me out, which I clearly don't recall."

Merlin shifted and froze as the armor clattered in his lap, while stammering, "I-I do not know. Head injuries are very odd things. It could have been a dream that you thought was a memory."

"I don't think so. Something happened, something more than you're saying. I'm sure of it. You've been acting strange even for you these past week."

Merlin twitched and looked away.

"I think that she was a sorceress and that she cast a spell on me, and I think you stopped her somehow. Am I right?" Arthur stood from his seat on the table and stalked towards Merlin.

Merlin hurriedly set the armor aside and clasped his hands in his lap, looking down at the floor. "Please. Arthur. My lord."

"Am I right?" Arthur repeated.

"Yes," Merlin hissed.

"Now, why would you make up a story so farfetched as you actually knocking me out—"

Merlin looked up with a glare and opened his mouth to protest.

"—unless you had something to hide."

Merlin's mouth flew shut, his teeth clashing painfully. "Hide? What would I have to hide?"

Arthur reached out, intent to squeeze Merlin's shoulder, but let it drop as Merlin flinched. "Perhaps all the odd things that have taken to occurring since you came here. I'm not stupid Merlin. Tell me!"

Merlin sprang to his feet, the armor falling to the floor again with a crash, but he had nowhere to go, and Arthur crowded him against the wall. "Please, no," he begged, meeting Arthur's steely gaze. Don't make me do this, he begged silently. Don't make me say it. It'll change everything. But there was no fighting Arthur on this, and the damning confession fell from his lips. "I'm a sorcerer."

Merlin squeezed his eyes shut, waiting for the blow, the yelling, the accusations. But none came, and when a hand cupped his jaw, he jumped and his eyes flew up, startled to find Arthur's face so close to his, an odd expression on his face, not the hate or fear he'd expected.

"Do you think me simple? I've known, Merlin, and I kept hoping you'd tell me. Do you distrust me so much?"

Merlin blinked as Arthur's thumb slid across his cheek. "What? No. You're the prince, Arthur, Uther's heir. By all right you should kill me where I stand or hand me over for execution. Not that I'm not grateful, but why aren't you?"

"You're not evil. You're most loyal man I know. You have done nothing to deserve punishment. I have known for some time that my father's law is wrong, that he has executed the innocents he should be protecting. However, while he is king, his word is law. I may not like it, and I may be honor bound to uphold it, but I will not condemn a good man." Drawing tall, Arthur asked with an odd aura of formality, "Would you ever use your magic to harm me, my family, or this kingdom?"

Merlin let the horror spill across his face, shaking his head. "No, never!" he replied venomously.

"Will you swear to do anything in you power to protect this kingdom?"

Merlin nodded. "Yes, of course. That is what I've been trying to do since I got here. Let me tell you, it's been more…" Merlin trailed off bringing a halt to his rambling

Arthur gave a satisfied nod then leaned forward. Merlin didn't understand what he was doing until the soft brush of lips met his, and before he could think on it, he shoved Arthur away. It didn't move him very far, but it ended the kiss. "What are you doing?" Merlin hissed. It wasn't unwelcome, but certainly unexpected. He had no idea what to make of any of this evening. None of it had gone as he'd expected.

"You just swore your loyalty. Congratulations. You're now the court's official sorcerer. Of course, we can't announce it until I am king, but I thought it was best to make it formal."

"So that was nothing?" Merlin growled.

"The kiss? No I wanted to do that. This was just an excuse."

"Oh, I see." Merlin suddenly blinked, his world going black around the edges and would have sank to the ground if Arthur hadn't caught him. He heard a worried "Merlin?" from far away before darkness overcame him.

* * *

Merlin dreamt he was drowning, sinking beneath the water, dragged deeper with each passing second, wanting to fight it, but his brain was in a fog, his body a dead weight that would not obey his commands. Then he heard someone saying his name, frantically over and over again.

With a start Merlin jerked awake, gasping for breath, drawing air into lungs that were convinced they'd been without for sometime. Hands were suddenly on him, and he fought them, not wanting to go back to that place again. But he heard a voice and his name. He knew that voice.

Arthur.

It was Arthur.

"Merlin," Arthur said again as Merlin finally stopped fighting him, and his eyes focused on him for the first time.

Blinking rapidly, Merlin shook his head as if trying to clear it, but the heavy fog weighing down his mind did not budge. He raised a hand to his head with a groan and flinched as he recalled the dream, the switched roles. "What happened?" he mumbled.

"You passed out. I was about to call Gaius if you hadn't woken when you did."

"No! I just…" Merlin trailed off, unsure what to say, his world set off kilter and not understanding this version of Arthur.

"You had a dream. A nightmare from the looks of it," Arthur stated. "I'm guessing it's not the first either." Arthur paused, clearly waiting for a confirmation.

"No," Merlin agreed, "not the first."

"What is it that keeps you from your sleep?" Arthur asked, almost gently.

"I dream of your death," Merlin blurted out.

Arthur jerked back as if struck, his eyes wide with horror.

Merlin shook his head, hurrying to explain. "It's not a premonition. I dream of the day at the lake. I dream that I was too late and you drowned. Tonight was different though. I dreamt that it was me drowning."

Arthur grabbed Merlin's hand placing it over his heart, then placed his own over Merlin's. "Feel that? I'm alive, and so are you. No more nightmares."

Merlin laughed in disbelief. "Just because you are a prince does not mean you can order a nightmare away."

Arthur grinned at him. "We'll just have to find out, won't we? You're so pale I fear you'll pass out if you stand and I am not carrying you back to your room, so get some sleep."

Merlin gaped at him. "What? Here? Now? It's the middle of the day."

Arthur gave him his patented I-am-the-Prince-and-you-are-the-servant-and-shall-obey-me-or-else look that he reserved for special occasions. "I expect you to be back to your normal level of incompetence come morning, on time for once."

"Prat," Merlin murmured with affection as he curled into the soft bed and let himself drift. He could get used to this.

* * *

Arthur sat on the edge of the bed for a long while, watching Merlin sleep and thinking about how his world had changed so much yet on the outside everything was the same, and what it would mean for their future.


End file.
